The We-ness of Groups: Why Some Gatherings Heal More Deeply Than Others

“Groups differ from one another in the amount of ‘groupness’ present. Those with a greater sense of solidarity, or ‘we-ness’, value the group more highly and will defend it against internal and external threats.” Irvin D Yalom

If you’ve ever facilitated or participated in a therapy group, you’ll know that some groups seem to “click” in a way that others don’t. Something subtle but palpable begins to form — a sense of we. It’s the difference between a circle of individuals and a living, breathing organism.

This groupness — sometimes called cohesion, solidarity, or we-ness — is a significant factor group psychotherapy. Irvin Yalom described it as “the analogue of the therapeutic relationship in individual therapy.” It’s what transforms a collection of strangers into a community that can tolerate vulnerability, difference, and conflict within 'their' group.

The Science of “We”

Research in social and group psychology has explored this phenomenon for decades. Studies of group cohesion consistently find that when members experience belonging, shared purpose, and mutual commitment, the group’s effectiveness and emotional safety increase.

• Cohesion as Cure: Yalom and Leszcz (2020) highlight group cohesion as a central therapeutic force, correlated with higher participation and improved outcomes.

• Social Identity and Solidarity: Henri Tajfel’s Social Identity Theory (1981) showed that identifying with a group strengthens motivation to maintain its integrity — the “we” becomes part of “me.”

• Entitativity : Campbell’s (1958) early work on entitativity — how “group-like” a collection feels — demonstrated that cohesive groups tend to defend themselves against perceived threats, internal or external.

In therapeutic settings, this defensive energy can be creative or destructive. Cohesion allows groups to weather interpersonal storms — but it can also suppress difference or dissent if belonging becomes conditional on agreement.

We-ness of Groups in the Therapy Room

In the early stages of a therapy group, members tend to remain cautious, testing safety and belonging. Over time, shared experiences and small acts of trust may begin to weave a fabric of mutual identification. Group members may start to use “we” rather than “they” when speaking about the group. They show up more reliably. They tolerate discomfort together.

That’s when the real work can begin. A group with we-ness can contain shame, challenge avoidance, and repair ruptures. It can act as a microcosm for relational patterns that are otherwise hard to see.

But as every seasoned facilitator knows, high cohesion can cut both ways. A tightly bonded group might unconsciously defend itself against new members, external critique, or even the therapist’s interventions. In psychoanalytic group theory, this is sometimes understood as the group ego defending against anxiety (Bion, 1961).

Our task as facilitators, then, is to help the group cohesion — to enjoy the warmth of belonging whilst allowing individual expression and trust.

Cultivating Healthy Groupness

Building we-ness in a therapy group isn’t about orchestrating harmony. It’s about fostering conditions where authenticity and mutual recognition can flourish. A few principles to remember:

• Safety before depth: Cohesion develops from reliability, confidentiality, and predictable structure. Only when people feel safe will they begin to open up.

• Shared meaning: Groups need a sense of collective purpose — a “why” that holds them through discomfort.

• Conflict as connection: Yalom reminds us that well-managed conflict can strengthen bonds rather than break them.

• Therapist as participant-observer: Our role includes noticing the subtle shifts of belonging and exclusion — who feels “in” and who feels “out.”

• Flexibility over fusion: Healthy we-ness allows individuality to exist within connection.

As therapists, depending on the group purpose, we may see “groupness” not as an outcome but as a living process — one that mirrors our deepest human need: to belong, and yet to remain ourselves.

Curious Questions

As each group is made up of individuals, it is unique. As such, facilitators can't take things for granted. Its helpful to maintain curiosity through questions and reflections. These might be:

• How do I recognise when cohesion is forming? Is it through language (“we”), shared silence, mutual laughter, or collective resistance?

• What are my own responses to belonging and exclusion? We bring our own histories of group life — families, teams, communities — which shape how we tolerate or avoid closeness.

• How do I respond when the group defends itself? Do I lean in with interest, or do I immediately challenge?

• How much do I focus on process? When cohesion or division is visible (“I notice we seem united around this idea — what’s it like for everyone to feel part of that?”).

• Where are the group boundaries. How does the group respond to new members? How does it respond to endings or criticism of group process?

• Do we explore parallel processes? For example, in supervision groups — where “groupness” among practitioners can mirror that of clients.

• How important is ritual and rhythm in the group? Simple repeated practices — opening check-ins, shared metaphors, closing reflections — often help groups experience continuity and belonging.

Co-Creating the “We”

At its heart, we-ness is a co-creative act. It doesn’t belong to the therapist or the group alone — it arises in the living space between us. Co-creative theory reminds us that meaning and healing are not delivered by the therapist but emerge in the relational space we help to hold.

When we pay attention to this shared space, we begin to see how groupness evolves moment by moment: through the stories told, the silences held, and the meanings negotiated together. Each member — including the therapist — is both shaping and being shaped by the collective process.

We are not creators of cohesion, but part of it — staying attuned and aware of the tensions between togetherness and autonomy, similarity and difference, safety and risk. The goal is not a perfectly bonded group, but a living system capable of dialogue, repair, and change.

If you'd like to know more about being a group facilitator or leader, the Certificate in Working with Groups with Bev Gibbons offers a space to learn, experience, and reflect on the relational and co-creative dynamics that underpin effective group facilitation.

Together, we explore how we-ness forms, falters, and transforms — and how therapists can work with this energy to foster authentic, resilient, and healing group processes.

Learn more about the Certificate in Working with Groups