The Value of Just Being Together

This morning I met up with three friends for coffee at a local cafe. It's something we do every so often, although it had been a while since we'd last managed to get together.

We chatted about work, family, what was happening in our lives and all sorts of other things. We shared experiences, exchanged ideas, laughed and generally caught up. Nothing particularly remarkable happened. But I came away feeling pleased we'd made the time to meet, and thinking about how much I value these ordinary moments of connection.

The pleasure of simply being together

So much of our time seems to be organised around doing something, achieving something or getting somewhere. Even the language we use around relationships can be quite purposeful. We talk about building networks, making useful contacts, developing connections and investing in relationships. I wonder whether we sometimes focus so much on what we gain from them that we overlook the pleasure of simply being with other people.

This morning we didn't have an agenda. Nobody needed to prepare anything or contribute something particularly useful. We were just four people who enjoy one another's company, making time to catch up. And that felt valuable in itself.

Different relationships offer different things

I've also been thinking about the different relationships that make up my life. There are people I turn to when things are difficult, people who challenge my thinking, people with whom I share particular interests and those whose company I simply enjoy.

Some relationships are close and deeply personal. Others are more occasional, developing through shared experiences, work, interests or the places we spend time. They don't all need to offer the same things.

Perhaps there's something important about recognising that no single person or relationship can meet all our needs. Our connections with different people bring different experiences and perspectives into our lives.

And sometimes it's the relatively informal relationships that offer something unexpected. A conversation takes an interesting turn, someone sees a situation differently or we find ourselves thinking about something we hadn't considered before.

Making space for connection

We can be in contact with people throughout the day, exchanging messages, responding to emails and keeping up with what's happening. Yet that isn't necessarily the same experience as spending time together. And when diaries are full, getting together just to get together can easily slip down the list.

We know that relationships matter, but making time for them can be surprisingly difficult.

Perhaps part of that is because the benefits aren't always obvious or measurable. We can see what we've achieved when we've completed a task, attended a meeting or finished a piece of work. It's harder to quantify the value of an enjoyable conversation, a shared laugh or feeling understood.

Relationships and the way we experience the world

Working alongside counsellors, psychotherapists and other practitioners, I'm often reminded of how much our relationships influence the way we experience ourselves and the world around us.

We develop our understanding through our interactions with others. Relationships can challenge our assumptions, introduce different possibilities and help us recognise patterns in our own thinking and behaviour.

They can also offer belonging, companionship, reassurance and enjoyment. It's something we see in the learning environment too. The conversations between participants, the exchange of different perspectives and the relationships that develop over time are an important part of the experience.

A good morning over coffee

I came away from this morning's get-together feeling connected, supported and inspired. There were a few interesting ideas to think about, but mostly it was just lovely to spend time with friends and reconnect on a level were we are on an equal footing.

In lives that can become very focused on responsibilities, commitments and what needs doing next, there's something worth protecting about the time we spend with people simply because we enjoy their company. Sometimes a coffee, a good chat, and a couple of hours together with people we know we say what is going for us on are more than enough to recharge our batteries and belong.

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